In-Laws and blended families

When nuclear families change to blended families, In-laws are facing new challenges. 

It’s like seeing one branch suddenly splitting in two and where will be the nest?

When it's easier for the mother side: our daughter and her children without their dad and husband.

Dad’s side is more complicated. If children will stay more time with mum and parents decide that mum will act as primary parent and dad will take up weekend parent roles, then dad's parents will automatically feel that their “nest'' is now on the other side, on mom's side of the split branch. As a result, their loyalty will travel with the “nest” following the blood line and they will adapt to the view of subfamilies. There is still their son but there is another bloodline: their grandchildren, who are separated from their son and living the majority of their time with their mum. Same is with all other in-laws (sister in law, brother in law etc.).

If there is a legally equal split: 50-50 and both parents will carry on doing half of the parenting, the effect for in-laws is still the same. Their bloodline will not disappear after mom's house front door closes behind their grandchildren. Their bloodline is inside that house, that means this house is now biologically connected to them.

Sometimes it is the same even when dad has primary guardianship. Depends on the in-laws individual personalities. Some people are interested in maintaining close contact with close family members only and some people are putting a lot of effort into having frequent interactions with distant relatives as much as the first circle of the family. So called  “Everyone is family” people.

It's rather surprising how new partners (potential step-parents and long term stepparents) can be so emotionally blind here. The anger: “How dare my MiL and FiL have lunch with MY husband's ex wife!!!!”  How those people seem to not have any ability to see that THEIR boyfriend/husband is someone's son/brother/dad too. Being in a relationship with you doesn’t delete his role as son/brother/dad to third people. 

Your MiL and FiL did not have lunch with YOUR husband's ex, they had lunch with the mother of their grandchildren. Your sister-in-law did not have phone calls and play dates with YOUR husband's ex but their cousins and their mother. 

And your MiL and FiL in their FB page did not congratulate YOUR husband's ex, they congratulated their grandchildren's mother. 

It's not all about you. It's about the blood line. You will have your turn when you and them will be connected via umbilical cord,