“How to co-parent with someone who seems to be focused only to cause problems?”
This is probably one of the most frequently asked questions.
Before tackling the issue there are couple of questions that everyone has to answer to themselves:
What level of problems do you have with your co-parent?
Do you have to co-parent? Why not parallel parent instead?
( Read here: “when you shouldn't try to co-parent” .)
Let's make one thing clear: there is no co-parenting without problems. Please remember: whenever you hear (read) someone saying that they have a problem free co-parenting- THEY ARE LYING.
Co-parenting is a relationship (situationship) between individuals who doesn't like each other enough to share common room and same household. Co-parenting is a situation where two people who are not overly fond of each other are forced to interact because at one point they created a child (or children) and they are sharing the practical side of parenting responsibilities now. It's impossible to have a problem-free relationship with a person who you don't like or/and who doesn't like you, but you are forced to interact (co-work/help out the person you don't like) every moment of the rest of your life.
Now, what about those people who are telling you that they are best friends with their co-parent? That they have a beautiful, problem free co-parenting relationship? Who are presenting themselves as a large, extended family, all adults focused on bringing up a child (children) in the centre. How they are doing it?
First: “fake it until you make it” people. Loads of people are choosing to put on an act and show it in public. Their performance is called “perfect co-parenting” and they are just playing their roles despite what they actually feel or think inside. The world's oldest “royal are keeping up appearance” show.
Second: Social media people. Presenting themselves as “unique” , “interesting”, “we can do what you can not” gives those people a platform to make Tik-Tok videos and post in social media and that is their job. They are aware that co-working with their enemy is beneficial and fighting them would not bring any benefits to anyone.
Third: “No problems co-parenting” is the cover up label for abusive co-parenting. Most common is that biological mother, who is displaying Golden Uterus Syndrome or Sociopathic traits, has been achieving the superior position in the co-parenting relationship and dad stepped back, allowing mother to make all the decisions and rule to the “i” every aspect in dad's after separation life (sometimes dad's family and relatives lives too). And yes, if you have absolute superior position in a relationship, it is your perfect co-parenting relationship.
This theory has been studied by a group of scientists from different universities and they found that: people who maintain very friendly and close after-separation-co-parenting relationships, have very high scores in psychopath diagnostic scale. In plain English: people who are stating that they have a problem free co-parenting are psychopaths.
(read more about perfect co-parenting with a sociopath from here) and
(read more about the Golden Uterus Syndrome after divorce here)
Than explains why you have problems and difficulties when trying to co-parent:
a) you are not a psychopath,
b) you are not a liar,
c) you are not a social media whore,
You are a sound minded person, who is able to see and analyse your situation adequately.
ANY relationship have ups and downs. You are facing problems with your loved ones, with your family, with your children, with your best colleagues. You can understand that dealing with a person who is more or less opposite to that: someone you don't love, don't like don't trust- there is no reason to expect that the relationship should be a easy and simple sailing.
Isn't it?
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