When we should not "open our children's eyes" to let them see, that the other parent is a bad person.

 

It's so hurtful for us, caring and loving parents, to see how the other parent saying all those things that makes our child forgive them that they are in fact, a bad person. We really would like our child to open eyes and see- they don't care, they don't love you as much as I love you. They don't do as much as I do for you! 

It feels so unfair that my child can not see that. 

In our personal need for fairness, we are forgetting that children are not looking for fairness. They want to know: am I good enough to be loved? Am I willing to be loved? If we are taking away their belief that dad loves them more than anything (even though he seems not putting the same amount of effort in showing that) we are taking away our child's self-worth.

Here, where all the therapists are telling you: love your child more than you hate your ex. 

Make your child believe that she/he is amazing and loved by both parents. Even if you can not believe that. Like we made them believe in Santa, the Tooth-fairy and Elf on the shelf. 

The amazing benefit is that, when they are older (maybe not before they are adults) they will see who did care and who took the easy path, but they now have self with not to be tricked anymore. They grow up knowing that they are good enough to be loved and if someone is choosing not to- it’s their loss, not my fault. 

Different case scenario: a child, who is convinced that the other parent doesn’t love them enough, doesn't love them properly or doesn’t love them at all, that child will try for the rest of their life to earn that love from another parent. 

Similarly, like children will (most of the time subconsciously or in secret) blame themselves as reason why parents split, children will always blame themselves(most of the time subconsciously or in secret) that they were not good enough to be loved by that parent and will try to earn that love (sometimes subconsciously or not acknowledging that) and will always feel bad about themselves. They are often people who are throwing themselves into abusive relationships because they feel that they have to earn love, work to be worthy being loved and won’t expect being loved for themselves.